∞
Things have been going pretty well for me since I started the second medication. Mmm hmm. I think it’s mostly because I don’t really get rattled by much anymore. Yeah. How long have you been on the new medication? About a week. Oh, I don’t think… But it’s an old school medication. It doesn’t have to accumulate in your system like SSRIs. Ok. Ok. So, the day after the first pill I just felt calmer. Everyday since then, I’ve been slowly relaxing.
I went to my last day of teaching. I saw an ex-friend. We had a major falling out, mostly having to do with his alcoholism. I was petrified to see him when I was un-medicated. I used to break out in sweats at the thought of bumping into him. But now I just kill him with kindness. Hey man! How are you? How’s your wife? You know how the game is played. I just completely diffused the whole thing.
…
I feel a little foolish, to be honest with you. Mmm hmm, in what way? I mean, all this time you’ve been telling me about better ways to approach people. And I kept telling you that I couldn’t do it. And I couldn’t. Because whenever I was in a situation that involved conflict… Mmm hmmm. I panicked. Yeah. My entire body just panicked.
Yeah. Well, that doesn’t happen anymore. In fact, this was my thought process on the morning I was seeing my ex-friend at work. I’d been taking this medication for about five days when I had to go to this meeting. I knew he was going to be there. During the car ride to the campus my heart started pounding. I was starting to panic. Then, reason kicked in.
Mm hm. I asked myself one question. What is the worst case scenario? The worst case scenario is, I walk in the room, and he hits me. I’m twice his size. But macho strutting aside, he isn’t going to hit me at his place of employment.
So, I started to calm down. The most he will do is talk some shit, and I can just brush that off. Whatever man. Good luck with all that nonsense, ya know?
Yeah. There was nothing to be afraid of. What was I getting all crazy about? I walked in there, ya know, and everybody I used to work with, doesn’t like me, and are all there. And they’re not shy about expressing hate me. I’ve hated them for a long time, too. Mm hmm. Yeah.
So, I just went into that meeting, ya know, and I was straight-up charming. I was charming to everyone, ya know? Yeah.
Hello! How are you? How is your family?
Ya know? Yeah. Because it’s not worth it—all of this bullshit anger.
…
It was awesome. Uh huh, and was it your old boss that you were going back to see or your old friend? No, I told you before. They were all there. Everyone was there. It was an entire day. It was the final grading.
∞
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